Her Birthday Shall be Amazing

Crowds’ birthday is coming up, and she’s coming to visit during it. Normally, I don’t care about birthdays, and I certainly don’t care about fancy things or dressing up, but she cares about her birthday and, in this one case, she cares about fancy things and dressing up.

This means that in addition to her surprise gift (ex-surprise really: she guessed it after two months of trying, based on hints like “there are words on it”), she requests a night at the bars that Lindsay Lohan would visit, and some karaoke. To top it off we will end the night at the kind of hotel Kate Moss would visit and subsequently trash, spilling cocaine everywhere.

It’s pretty easy to convince me to pay for and join her in this night out: I only see her a few weeks each year. As some blogger named Alex connects, this is based on the Alchian-Allen theorem.

To quote either Tim Hartford or Tyler Cowen:

The theorem, briefly, implies that Australians drink higher-quality Californian wine than Californians, and vice-versa, because it is only worth the transportation costs for the most expensive wine. Similarly, there is no point in traveling to see your boyfriend for a take-away Indian meal and an evening in front of the telly. To justify the trip’s fixed costs, you will require champagne, sparkling conversation and energetic sex. Insist on it.

She’ll get all that and hopefully more. However, sometimes even the best-arranged plans fall through. This is what I told her, and she agreed:

I have lots of faith that the night will work out exactly how we want, plus some. However, I won’t be disappointed if it doesn’t; it’s going to be an awesome night, regardless of what falls through.

And it’s true, too: the night will be amazing, because if the plans fall through they will fall through spectacularly and with a great story: kicked out of the hotel, denied access to a bar and a fight breaks out, mugged at gunpoint, and so on.

Another, equally important, reason the night will be fun: her presence is valuable.